It is 11pm and I just tried to wake my almost 2 years old daughter, up from her sleep. She stirred almost immediately and returned to sleep. I feel slightly better, just slightly.
This evening started out just like any other typical evening. We had dinner, played for a little while, and read a page from the Early Learning Program book that we purchased a couple weeks ago. Everything went well. Lauren had started paying attention when we read to her. Then as her baby sister Georgia laid on the sofa cooing away, Lauren being the sweet sister she is, decided to lay down next to her. It was a cute and sweet moment, so I decided to snap some photos.
As I reviewed the photos, Lauren stood on the sofa to take a look too. I let her take a look, picked her up and settled her down on the floor. I started to snap a few more photos of Georgia. Then it happened. In a split second, I realized Lauren had gotten back on the sofa, jumped a few times, lost her balance and fell onto the floor with a loud thump. I watched in horror as Nick shouted, “OH.. COME ON!” from his desk and gave me one of the dirtiest look ever. It was angry, sad and accusing, all at once.
By the time I reacted, Lauren let out a loud cry and Amor, my helper had already picked her up. Lauren was crying uncontrollably when Amor passed her to me. I felt increasingly guilty and worried as I tried to soothe her.
There within the next 5 to 10 minutes or so (actually I lost count of time), a thousand things went through my mind. I was questioning myself if I was a bad mother. I should have noticed her jumping and stopped her in time. Or has it happened because it was long time coming?
I’ve stopped her from jumping before but I hadn’t taught her enough?
If she going to be ok?
What if she suffers brain damage?
Is that smile she gave me during photo taking earlier the last smile I would get from her?
Why did I let her cry when she threw a tantrum earlier in the day? I should have comforted her instead. I may not have another chance to do that.
And yes, that accusing look on Nick’s face – that confirms what he thinks. I am a bad mom. And now my daughter is suffering the consequences.
I’m at the lowest of lows I’ve ever felt as a mom. All these time I thought I was doing alright. But…
Lauren had stopped crying and dozed off to sleep. I have to wake her up every half hour to make sure she hasn’t lost consciousness for the next 6 hours. We have to monitor her symptoms for the next few days. I’m hoping she wakes up better and be herself again tomorrow. That is the only thing I can do now.
Update (13/9/2014): Lauren woke up slightly clingy the next day. But she is doing fine and back to her cheeky playful self again. Thank you very much for the reassuring comments and private messages via Facebook, my dear friends and readers. I’m truly touched by your support and love.
Hugs, Michelle. Something similar happened to Noah the other day, and he ended up with a HUGE bump and blue black right smack in the middle of his forehead. My husband gave me the dirtiest of looks, and was clearly angry with me for not preventing the fall, but you know what? Accidents happen. Unless he wants me to bubble wrap Noah, and keep him indoors all the time, Noah is bound to get hurt every now and then. It's part and parcel of growing up.
Of course I'm upset that Noah was hurt, and yes, I might have been able to prevent it, but coulda woulda shoulda does nothing to help. The fall already happened, and what matters now is to teach our children to be more careful and aware of their surroundings.
Don't blame yourself, because you're doing a wonderful job. Lauren still goes to you for comfort when she's hurt or upset, and that is how children react to good mums.
Hugs, Michelle. Something similar happened to Noah the other day, and he ended up with a HUGE bump and blue black right smack in the middle of his forehead. My husband gave me the dirtiest of looks, and was clearly angry with me for not preventing the fall, but you know what? Accidents happen. Unless he wants me to bubble wrap Noah, and keep him indoors all the time, Noah is bound to get hurt every now and then. It's part and parcel of growing up.
Of course I'm upset that Noah was hurt, and yes, I might have been able to prevent it, but coulda woulda shoulda does nothing to help. The fall already happened, and what matters now is to teach our children to be more careful and aware of their surroundings.
Don't blame yourself, because you're doing a wonderful job. Lauren still goes to you for comfort when she's hurt or upset, and that is how children react to good mums.
Thanks Adeline. Reading your comment almost had me in tears. Lauren is fine today but I'm still feeling a little bruised from the whole experience. I've certainly learnt my lesson, I can only hope she does too.
Thanks Adeline. Reading your comment almost had me in tears. Lauren is fine today but I'm still feeling a little bruised from the whole experience. I've certainly learnt my lesson, I can only hope she does too.
Big hug Michelle. Understand how you feel as this happened to my daughter before too. Accidents happen, don't blame yourself ok?
Big hug Michelle. Understand how you feel as this happened to my daughter before too. Accidents happen, don't blame yourself ok?
Thanks Adeline. Reading your comment almost had me in tears. Lauren is fine today but I’m still feeling a little bruised from the whole experience. I’ve certainly learnt my lesson, I can only hope she does too.