Warning: This is not a cheery post. In fact it is quite depressing if you are currently pregnant and there is nothing you can do about, well pretty much everything on this list.
Sometime ago, I wrote a post listing 28 perks of pregnancy. I wrote it because my first pregnancy was relatively easy, and the fact that when I wrote the post, being pregnant was quite a distance memory. Lauren was already 8 months old. Now that I'm in the midst of a second pregnancy, I suddenly feel the need to tell the world that pregnancy can suck balls too.
1. The first trimester, you'd feel tired ALL THE TIME. Good luck trying to stay awake at work especially after lunch.
2. Everyone talks about morning sickness. But no one warns you it doesn't only happen in the morning. It could last all day for months. Imagine being hungover all day for 12 weeks to 9 months.
3. Feeling hot (temperature hot, not sexy hot) and sweaty all the time. Especially if you live in tropical country like Singapore. It is unbearable to leave any air-conditioned room.
4. Pregnancy glow? Bullshit! I feel awful and dull most of the time.
6. Stretch marks. And the itchiness that comes with it when the belly is expanding.
7. Water retention. You know about feet swelling, fingers swelling and puffiness on your face, no one tells you that your va-jay-jay swells too. As the baby gets heavier, it is trapping your entire blood supply inside your labia when you sit or stand. And it hurts. Only laying down may keep some of the pressure off.
8. Ugly and painful varicose veins.
9. Holy emotional roller coaster. Just yesterday, I started with being totally in bliss with the impending arrival of a second baby. I reorganised my wardrobe to fit the newborn's clothing. Then Lauren came to 'help' me and messed everything up. I got frustrated, gave up and left Lauren playing in the piles of clothes. I turned on the TV and Desperate Housewives was showing the episode where Gabby found out Juanita (her 6 years old daughter) isn't actually hers. Her own baby has been mistakenly swapped with someone else's baby at the hospital right after birth. I imagined Lauren isn't mine and having to return her to her rightful mom and I started bawling my eyes out, went into the room and hugged her tightly. Lauren of course was all oblivious to what was happening. And this is just one example of how hormonal my mood swing is at the moment.
10. Running to the toilet every 10 minutes. And having to wake up several times at night to pee.
11. Excited to feel baby kicks? You will get over it pretty quickly when you are trying to sleep while he/she practicing martial arts in there.
12. Sneezes and uncontrolled bladder. I recommend panty liners. It will happen, trust me.
13. Highly sensitive boobs and nipples.
14. I have the unfortunate side effect of unexplained nasal stuffiness every night, turning this experience into a 9-month sentence of mouth breathing.
16. Ribs kicks. You can't even complain about it, because it is a sign your baby is healthy and moving about, right? So suck it up and hope next time it happens, you don't yelp out too loudly.
17. Unsolicited advice.
18. Aches. Everything hurts. Period.
19. No more sashimi, egg benedicts, and soft cheeses.
20. No more alcohol. I don't usually drink but the cocktail list seems more enticing when it is forbidden.
22. Feeling like a whale and being told I'm too big or too small for whatever month I'm into the pregnancy. And no, I'm not having twins.
23. Being questioned whether it is going to be a boy or a girl by random strangers. And proceeded to be lectured the perks/disadvantages of having a boy/girl. I always have to suppress my urge to answer, "So what if it is a boy or girl, ah?"
24. The urge to fart at the most inopportune timing. Pregnant women are gassy.
25. The tummy gets so big, it gets in the way of everything - bending down to pick things up, rolling over in bed, not seeing the next step you'd take coming down the stairs, etc.
26. Expensive monthly checkups which include on average 1 hour waiting, 5 minutes consultation time.
27. Nothing fits right. Maternity clothes are mostly matronly and ugly.
28. You will soon forget how horrible being pregnant really is and be tempted to conceive again.